So this blind guy walks into a bar...

Recipient of both the MAPA*
award and Nobel Peace Prize 16 years running, Willy has taught millions of 10th graders how to read with his Grammy nominated book, “How to Read.” Feared by Chuck Norris, The Old Spice Guy, and Death itself, Willy smells like a never ending tropical sunset, personalized love song, and romantic puppy surprise, just smell this paper, he touched it you know. Quixotic? No, ice-cream? Yes. In fact there once was a street called Willy Mendoza, anybody who crossed it died. Now, nobody crossed Willy Mendoza and lives.
Little known fact: Willy actually gave birth to himself. He has also been to mars, which is why there is no life there. Willy was once bitten by the world’s most poisonous snake, after three days of pain and agony, the snake died. While in India, Abraham Lincoln told Willy he looked fat, the Himalayas were created soon after, and, you know what happened to Lincoln.
Some people can kill two birds with one stone, Willy can kill two boulders with one bird.Did I mention that he can unscramble an egg? I could go on and on about the time he rode his trinicorn into battle to defeat the giants of Narnia, but I have to go finish my mystical quest to the isle of Tortuga.
P.S. if you want to see a list of Willy’s known enemies, you’re your librarian about the “List of Extinct Species.”
*MAPA: Most Amazing Person Alive

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OMFG I remember when I first watched this scene and the car burst through the wall. Needless to say, I needed a change of underwear.

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